análisis

2002                reeditadas en 2013

Analisis is the first photographic work I did for My first photographic studies in Spain, my teacher gave us the task of making a fine art photographic work, and the lectures were called “Analisis de la fotografia”, Analysis of Photography, with a main question, Why or for what do you make photographs?

 I had two proposals, one was the market in my neighbourhood and the other was a bunch of photographs I made to show my daily routine to a friend. (This images were kept in a drawer for more than a year) But that daily routine coincided with my grief of the death of my stepfather and mentor (photographer, painter and filmmaker)

I was 18 when he died, lung cancer killed him in one months, too fast, too illusional, too hard to digest and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I started drinking a lot, smoking a lot, and started to isolate myself.

My teacher, Asier Larraza, told me to continue with the selfportrait images and encouraged me to try colour film because I had only black and white images. 

So even this was a task for my studies it became a therapeutic grief process to work with. I created a routine and discipline, I had to be alone for at least 6 hours at home, and make images and grief, mostly cry and swear. I was sad and angry. 

To be honest it was difficult and i felt relieved at the same time. 

Facing the camera I was facing the grief, and my own issues, anxiety, sadness, and finding myself again because I was totally lost. I lose some friends, without him some of my plans didn’t make sense at all. 

 

I made a lot of images, the main exhibition was a group of 18 images, 

But my submission in my school was a little diary. 

 

Its been 20 years of these images and maybe now, I’m not that person anymore, or maybe I can see something of me in those images, grieving is a long process and you can get stuck. I still miss him, and sometimes I feel I miss the girl I was before he died and sometimes I’m happy of the woman that I became. 

And also aware of how photography helped me and somehow saved me.